I'm going to jail i love you
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
