Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
