I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
