Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
