We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
