How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
This can only be settled by a dance off.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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