hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
