Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
