I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
