Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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