haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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