once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
