I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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