I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
