I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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