he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
