bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
