I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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