no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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