I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Can you bring me the toilet please
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
