So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Congratulations! We have a period
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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