i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
