I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
