Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
