Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
