My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
