All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
