My brain says no but my pants say off.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
