i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
