Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
