i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
