If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just gift wrapped bread.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
