my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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