a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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