Grow some girl-balls and come out already
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
