i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
