don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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