thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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