Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
