the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Two words: blizzard sex
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
