i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
