you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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