No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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