how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
