we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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