Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
