Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
