I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
she was so not down for the gang bang
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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