What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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