So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
