I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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